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BEACON Senior News

There’s no place like it

Jun 26, 2020 10:05AM ● By Laverne Bardy

My husband and I always take vacations out of the country. With everything going on with COVID-19, it got me thinking of one year that my husband, Mighty Marc, and I decided to do something different—for us at least.

In the weeks before leaving on a big trip, we whine a lot. By we, I mean me. I never got the knack of packing and always return with a suitcase full of clothes I never got to wear. Shuttle costs to and from the airport are exorbitant. Then there’s the agony of airport lines, getting through security, physical discomfort on planes and inedible airplane food.

Because I’ve had so many joint replacements, security has to pat me down, always using unattractive women, instead of the handsome men I request.

During my last pat-down, I stood hands out at my sides and legs spread, when Mighty Marc, who was standing right outside the booth, decided he needed his passport, which I was carrying. He reached for it and came so close to being shot when armed security guards grabbed and frisked him. It happened so fast neither of us knew what the hell was happening.

So when I said, “This time, let’s take a road trip. We have friends and relatives up and down the east coast. Wouldn’t it be fun to spend several days with each of them, and visit landmarks along the way?” he gave me a thumbs up.

Marc said, “Let’s make it a real adventure and rent a motor home. Why pay for motels and spend money eating every meal out?”

We looked at a motor home that was described as spacious—which meant large enough to comfortably accommodate three generations of mice. Packing would be easy. Each of the two silverware drawers would comfortably hold two shirts. There was space for two and a half pairs of shoes in the cabinet over the fridge, and ample room for toiletries and cosmetics in the oven I had no plans to use.

We were advised to park at campsites and take taxis to our destinations. I let that thought marinate. “Maybe a plane trip wouldn’t be so bad after all,” I said. “Flying domestic is easier than overseas. We could rent a car at the airport.”

Marc nodded and we began investigating plane schedules and fares. Three days later I said, “Do you remember that fun train trip we took to Florida several years back? We even brought our car with us. Maybe we should consider doing that this time?”

“If that’s what you want,” he said.

We were excited, so I notified everyone and informed them when to expect us.

A week later I said, nervously, “Remind me why we want a vacation that requires endless hours of driving, hanging out at people’s homes, then driving a whole lot more.”

“Why? Are you having fifth thoughts?” he said.

“Let’s just say that nothing about this trip is exciting me.”

He smiled. “Here’s a thought. Let’s stay home. Why would we want to be anywhere else this time of year?”

“My feelings exactly. Now that’s a plan I can live with,” I said. “This is the happiest I’ve been since we decided to take a vacation.”

“I’m thinking our next vacation should be a restful one, where we lounge around doing nothing, and all our meals are served to us.”

“Like in a padded cell?”

“Exactly.”